Mary on concentrating on living thanks to Maggie's

My story began in 2015 when a little Jiffy bag arrived by post: the dreaded bowel screening test.

I dutifully carried out the test, sent it back and didn’t think any more of it, until I got my results. I was referred for a colonoscopy, and two days later, I got a call asking me to go to the hospital. That’s when I started to worry.

It turned out to be bowel cancer. I was admitted very soon after to have my sigmoid colon removed.

I was told that I would have died within six months if the cancer hadn’t been found. I’ve heard lots of people say that they are not going to do the screening test; this worries me because the test saved my life.

I thought Maggie's wasn't for me

My friend was recovering from breast cancer at the time and she suggested I get in touch with Maggie’s. She raved about all the courses on offer. But I said it wasn’t for me.

I thought this experience was over and I'd never worried about my cancer returning. But, little did I know, this was only the beginning.

Second cancer diagnosis after all-clear

Five years later, I went for my final check-up and scan and got the all-clear. My surgeon put his hands on my shoulders, turned me to face the window and said, “walk away from here and don’t look back”. I truly thought that was the last of it.

But, just two weeks later I wasn’t feeling very well; I was coming out in sweats and I had a pain in my left side.

My GP sent me for a blood test and the next day, I saw I’d missed a call from them. An emergency appointment had been made for me with the cancer surgeon. I was flabbergasted and asked why. I was told the blood results suggested my cancer was back. I didn’t believe it for a second; I thought there had to be a mistake.

I was referred for a CT scan, and I remember sitting in the waiting room waiting for the results with a friend, having a bit of a giggle. I was expecting to hear that I’d had a bad bout of diverticulitis, so I was shocked to learn that 60% of my liver was cancerous.

My life expectancy was estimated at 2 months. I was in shock. Looking back now, I think I was in shock until fairly recently, as was everyone around me.

I met with my oncologist, who recommended 3 months of chemotherapy in the hope that it would shrink the tumour, which was wrapped around my portal vein, so that surgery would be an option.

I was petrified at the thought of chemotherapy. But, what helped me accept it was that one day while I was having my infusion, I mentally thanked the person who invented it. I began to see chemotherapy as a helpful friend and that made it much easier.

Chemotherapy didn’t reduce the tumour as much as they hoped but my team decided to operate anyway. The odds weren’t good: only 1 in 3 people survive the operation and only 50% survive afterwards. But I had nothing to lose.

Treatment, aftermath

The surgery took place during the pandemic, so no-one was allowed to come to the hospital with me. This devastated my sisters. I often thought that it was harder for them than it was for me.

The operation took 10 hours; they removed the portal vein, my spleen and 80% of my liver. Against all odds, I survived and am here to tell the tale.

After another 3 months of chemotherapy, my family and friends were delighted it was over. But it wasn’t over for me.

All of a sudden, I felt very much alone. I was left with neuropathy, which was agony. I slept badly because I had to get up in the night to take painkillers. Looking back, I was in a very dark place without even knowing.

After 3 months, I had a scan, which showed that the cancer had already spread to my lung, making the cancer terminal. I was constantly thinking about my death.

I had a big house at the time with chickens, bees and fish and a big garden. I sold it all because I didn’t have the energy to look after it anymore. I bought my coffin and gave somebody the power of attorney.

Changing my mind about Maggie’s

I really thought I was going to die, and I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I thought my family and friends must be fed up of me moaning, and it had been hard enough for them already. I was on the edge.

Then I remembered my friend who told me about Maggie’s. I felt anxious about going, but I decided to do it.

I was greeted by a smiley volunteer who offered me a drink. Then, Debbie, a cancer support specialist, came to talk to me. She was so compassionate and made me feel at home straight away.

Debbie listened to my story and told me about the various courses available to me. One was ‘Where Now’, which I found very helpful. The objective of the course was to enable us to come to terms with our diagnosis, regain our confidence and live our best lives, and it certainly did that. It was a great opportunity to share stories without judgement or without unhelpful comments like “just don’t think about it” or “you are worrying for nothing”.

I've met some strong, inspirational women and I feel privileged to be a part of their lives. And that’s all thanks to Maggie’s.

Retiring and living life to the full

Before cancer, I was working as a senior civil servant and led a team of 400 people. I knew I couldn’t do that job again; I was struggling with chemo brain and my memory was no longer up to it.

However, I felt anxious about retiring. Work was, and always had been, my focus.

Through talking to people at Maggie’s, I was able to deal with retiring and think about the life I had outside of work.

For years, I had been absorbed by death. I could have just laid down, but Maggie’s has helped me not to think about death, but to live. I chose to live life to the fullest for as long as I can.

I gained the confidence to travel after taking ill-health retirement. I decided I would visit as many of my friends as possible and spend some quality time with them and make beautiful memories.

The Camino de Santiago

My travels took me from Land’s End to John O’Groats. I spent 3 months in Australia, went on a cruise around New Zealand, and visited Iceland and Tenerife with my sisters.

In September 2023, I completed the Camino de Santiago. 280 km is a long way, carrying a 10 kg backpack in 30-degree heat. With terminal cancer, it’s an even bigger challenge.

I raised over £18,000 doing the Camino, and I’m really pleased to have raised so much money.

Maggie’s was instrumental in shifting my mindset and so if my fundraising helps another people to do that, that is fantastic.

I want to inspire people and help them see that, just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you have to stop living.

The future

While my mindset is positive, managing my health is still a challenge. Last year, I received the biggest shock of all: that I also had a primary breast cancer.

I wasn’t supposed to have further lung cancer treatment until the breast cancer was treated. However, it’s been decided that the lung cancer is a bigger risk as there are four tumours in my lungs, and treatment should focus on that.

My long-term prognosis is very uncertain, but is a matter of years. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but what I do know is that it’s a miracle that I am still alive when so many times I could have died.

And thanks to Maggie’s, I’m concentrating on living my life.

I take back what I initially said about Maggie’s not being for me; it definitely is. I pop into Maggie’s as often as I can, and I’m guaranteed to find a friendly smiling face.

I am grateful to Alison and Debbie for being beautiful human beings and for all the care and professional love they have shown me, as well as the life-long friends that I have made thanks to Maggie's.

We’re here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them.

Come and see us at your nearest Maggie’s, call us on 0300 123 180 or email us at enquiries@maggies.org

Last review: Apr 2024 | Next review: Apr 2025