Sex, intimacy and cancer

The information on this page will help you to find out more about the impact of cancer on sex and intimacy.

We’ll look at ways to cope with the changes cancer brings to a sexual relationship, and how Maggie’s can help.

Cancer, sex and relationships

Sexual relationships tie in closely with personal relationships, and the impact cancer has on both. 

Sexual relationships involve a complex set of emotions and physical feelings of desire. It isn't only about the act of sexual intercourse but also the feeling of intimacy and closeness.

You may notice changes in your relationship - whether you're the person with cancer, or someone closely involved.

Some people grow closer as they learn to live with cancer and its treatments.

Others may find the stresses and strains of cancer and its treatments affect their relationship.

Partners may be supportive and understanding, or be thinking lack of physical sex means the relationship is facing difficulties.

Cancer, sex and emotions

Whether you’re in a long term relationship or single, sex and intimacy can be an important issue.

This can sometimes cause problems ‐ partners may feel rejected, or be concerned that the relationship is no longer close. They may be worried they'll accidently hurt them, or that you’ll overtire them.

You may feel less of a sexual person, as the treatments can change how you feel about yourself, and your self confidence and self esteem may take a dip.

You can feel exhausted by treatments, and anxiety about other issues, so even thinking about sex is the furthest thing on your mind. This can sometimes cause problems ‐ partners may feel rejected, or be concerned that the relationship is no longer close.

Sexual relationships tie in closely with personal relationships, and the impact cancer has on both. 

The main thing to remember, is that most of the side effects of treatment are temporary. Physical changes in your appearance and your ability to have full intercourse can be addressed, and talked through together.

Your hospital team, GP, specialist doctors and nurses understand how important sex can be in our lives.

Sexual difficulties often have solutions, and sharing your worries about your sex life can offer emotional release.

What you’re feeling is natural, and as important as managing other aspects of your relationship.

Impact for carers

When your partner has cancer, it can change things in a sexual relationship. You may not be sure how to talk about your worries, whilst your partner is going through emotional and physical upheaval because of the cancer and its treatments.

You may feel rejected, or be concerned that the relationship is no longer close. You may worry that you’ll accidentally hurt them, or that you’ll over tire them.

Sometimes, you may feel a temporary loss of desire for your partner, as their appearance can be affected by treatment. This can lead to guilt and avoidance. It can be difficult to talk about the complex emotions you're feeling.

Sex, intimacy and women

Having sex may be the last thing on a woman’s mind whilst dealing with cancer, its treatments and side effects. Sexual desire involves an emotional component, feeling desirable and attractive, being relaxed, and wanting to take part in sex itself.

You may have surgery which removes part of the body involved in the sexual act, directly or indirectly. This includes surgery to the breast, womb, cervix, ovaries, bladder, vulval or vagina.

Chemotherapy can affect how tired you feel, you may bruise more easily, or feel too unwell to think about sex.

Hormones can be affected by the treatment, and this affects sexual desire and can trigger menopausal symptoms.

 If you’re having radiotherapy to the pelvis, it can cause longer terms problems with the bowel, and vaginal problems

You will still need contraception whilst on treatment, so discuss this with your healthcare team.

• Nausea
• Side effects from surgery
• Menopausal symptoms
• Joint pain
• Fatigue
• Vaginal dryness
• Sore skin
• Body image issues ‐ you may have temporary or permanent changes to your physical appearance, which can affect your confidence. It may include hair loss, surgical scarring, formation of stomas, weight gain or loss
• Incontinence ‐ you may be worried you will need the toilet at short notice, or have bladder/bowel problems.

All of these things can affect how intimate and close you want to be with your partner.

You may fear rejection, pain on intercourse or loss of desire. You may find you avoid sex and intimacy.

Talking things through with your partner, keeping communication open, and expressing intimacy in other ways, can help you to still feel close.

Explore different positions to reduce pain or fear of hurting you or your partner.

Check with your healthcare team about practical solutions to specific sexual issues, as there is help available.

Sex, intimacy and men

Sex for men is also about the emotional closeness of the act, but also involves physical function.

Treatment can affect a man’s ability to have an erection, and ejaculate, which is often an integral part of sexual intercourse.

Confidence and desirability can be affected.

Men sometimes find it difficult to open up to their partners about their sexual worries.

Talking things through with your partner, keeping communication open, and expressing intimacy in other ways, can help you to still feel close.

Discussing your sexual problems with your healthcare team is also helpful, as there are many practical solutions to physical issues, as well as understanding and support.

• Chemotherapy ‐ this doesn't usually impact on your ability to have an erection, although there are a few chemotherapies that can cause erectile problems. You may find fatigue, nausea and other chemo side effects mean you don’t feel able to have sexual intercourse. This should improve once treatment stops.
• Radiotherapy ‐ red or sore skin, fatigue and nausea for some. If you have pelvic radiotherapy, you may have bowel problems or urinary difficulties. You may also have temporary erectile difficulties.
• Hormone therapy ‐ you may have hormone therapy medicines as part of your cancer treatment. This often works by blocking certain hormone production. This can affect your sex drive, and difficulty achieving orgasm..There are treatments for erectile dysfunction, so ask your doctor/specialist nurse for further advice.
• Body image issues ‐ you may have temporary or permanent changes to your physical appearance, which can affect your confidence. It may include hair loss, surgical scarring, formation of stomas, weight gain or loss.
• Concerns about continence ‐ you may be worried you will need the toilet at short notice, or have bladder/bowel problems.

Talking to others

Talking to your partner about how you feel can bring you both closer and you might find they are experiencing many of the same emotions.

Speaking to your healthcare team can also be helpful because they understand how treatments can affect all aspects of your life. They won’t be embarrassed, and will expect your questions.

You can also talk to our team at your nearest Maggie's. Finding you’re not alone with what you are experiencing can help, and the team can give you and your partner practical information and emotional support.

What now?

• Have a look at our blogs and links on this page to find out more about sex, intimacy and cancer.
• Read through our section on personal relationships and cancer, as they are closely linked to sex and intimacy.
• Talk with others about what you are experiencing. It can help you feel less alone to hear that what you’re feeling is not unusual. Call into your local Maggie’s centre to connect with others in a similar position to yourself.

Last review: Mar 2022 | Next review: Mar 2023